Chapter 2

Chapter 2

       Lest you forget and think that I am just some old guy blowing smoke who has a beef with teenagers, let me remind you that I was once where you are now, and it really wasn’t all that long ago. I faced the same temptations, I felt the same emotions, and I know the joy and heartache of being a teen.  In other words, I’ve walked in your shoes. Sure, times have changed a little bit, but the basics will always stay the same. The devil still uses the same tactics to try to get you to fall.

      I’m a runner. I’ve done lots of smaller races, but as of right now my real “claim to fame” is that I’ve run four marathons (that’s 26.2 miles each, for those of you who think a marathon is any time you step out the door with your running shoes on). A marathon, for most people, is only for the accomplishment. They do not go out with the intent of winning the whole race; they go out with an aspiration to finish. It’s sort of like climbing a mountain. Those who set out to do it are not trying to set records or be the first to the top. They just want to get there, and that’s how most people view a marathon.

        It’s not an easy task. You cannot expect to still be standing on two legs at the end of the marathon if you sprint the first couple of miles. I would consider myself to be pretty fast (please hold the applause until the end of the story), and although I’ve never won a race, I’ve come pretty close. But what happens so often in a race, not even just a marathon, is that all the runners who are my speed and faster are right up at the front of the pack where I like to be at the starting line.

      When that gun goes off the adrenaline is plowing through my veins like a muscle car and I’m anxious to see if I can accomplish the goals I have set for myself. What inevitably happens is I start trying to keep up with all the runners around me. On a short race, my average pace is right around six minutes per mile. There is nothing so disheartening as when I cross the first mile marker and the time says 5:30. The first thought that goes through my head is, “Great. Now I’ve done it.” And it never fails; that the next mile is always the slowest in the race. Usually by the time I get to the end I have settled into my pace, but the entire race is affected by how I started.

      This life is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. How we start affects how well we finish, and if your eyes are on those around you instead of on the goal, then you will be hindered. That’s what peer pressure is. That is what caused me to get off my pace. It was probably more subconscious than an actual decision I made, but it still hurt me in the end. I became more concerned with what the other runners thought about how fast I was running than I did about keeping the pace that I knew was right for me. And the kicker is they don’t know me from Adam and don’t care to know me, and I don’t have a clue who they are, and don’t really care to know them either.

      Peer pressure is an amazing thing. It makes young men do things that they would never do if they were alone. I’ve noticed that with a lot of the guys that I deal with on a daily basis. When I am with them one on one, they are the greatest guys in the world and seem like they have no faults. They give the impression of being very genuine. But you put that same guy with a couple of other guys who are not really headed in the right direction, and he has to act cool around them and do foolish things. It is because of the peer pressure.

Biblical Example

      There is a story in 2 Samuel 13 that illustrates the power of peer pressure very well. I’m sure you are familiar with who King David was. He was probably the most well-known king of all time, but certainly the most well-known king in Israel. What you may not know is that David, contrary to the Bible’s command in Deuteronomy, had several wives. Of course, that led to David having many children. David had a son named Absalom, who later tried to take the throne from his father, and he had a son named Amnon. They were both from different mothers, making them half-brothers.

     Absalom had a sister named Tamar that the Bible says was fair, which meant she was beautiful. Amnon, who was the half-sister to Tamar, loved her. In fact, he loved her so much that he actually became sick for love. He wouldn’t eat and he lost a lot of weight because of his love for Tamar. But Amnon had been trained in his father’s house and, he had been taught a sense of right and wrong. He knew that Tamar, being a virgin, was off-limits. The Bible says, “…and Amnon thought it hard for him to do any thing to her.” Though he “loved” her, he was willing to suffer the hunger and the “sickness” because he knew what was right.

     It would be great if the story had ended there, or had ended with a beautiful romance developing between Amnon and Tamar that ended in a beautiful palatial wedding with thousands of guests and well-wishers. But it doesn’t. To quote the Bible again, it says, “But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab.”

       Jonadab noticed that Amnon was losing weight and that he just wasn’t himself so he asked Amnon what the problem was. Amnon told him that he loved Tamar so Jonadab devised a plan that would get Amnon what he wanted. To make a long story short, Amnon forced his half-sister into an act of fornication that he probably would never have committed were it not for his “friend” Jonadab.

       Here is the saddest part of it all. Amnon was the one who had to live with the consequences of his sin, not Jonadab. Absalom murdered Amnon in the long-term. In the short term, the Bible says, “And Amnon hated [Tamar] exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her.” Tamar tried to reason with Amnon, but he had her pushed out of his house and the door bolted behind her. He had been influenced to a great evil by a young man whom he thought was his friend.

     The sad thing about peer pressure is that it very rarely ever works in a positive way. Why is it that people are always influenced to do the wrong things? You know the proverbial “apple in the barrel” analogy. If you put a bad apple in with all the other good apples, the good apples will not make the bad apple good; the bad apple always turns the good apples bad.

     Just go down to the fish market and look into the crab barrel. They never have to put a lid on it because as soon as one crab begins to crawl out, they others will grab onto him and pull him back down.[i]

     What I am going to propose may be a radical solution, but I don’t see why it cannot be. Why should it be that the majority of Christian young men are worldly and have no care for the things of God? Why does it have to be that the one who is out of place is the young man who is trying to please God with his life? I think it can be and should be flipped. The one who is worldly and ungodly should be the one in the minority. He should be the one that feels out of place at church and in the youth group, not the other way around. But young men have become so accustomed to the thinking that spirituality is “uncool” and weird that no one wants to stand up for what is right anymore, and the devil is more than pleased that Christianity is portrayed in such a way.  

You Are Who Your Friends Are

      If a third grader was watching you and thought you were weird, you wouldn’t care one bit what he thought. In fact, you may give him a “wet willy” and send him packing. He is not your peer; he is not your equal. On the other hand, if you were doing the same thing around your friends and they looked at you like you were a nut-job, you would probably stop immediately and walk away red-faced. Who your friends are has a big impact on what you do and who you are. You may have heard the quote, “You are or very soon will be what you read and who your friends are.” It is because they have such an impact on your life.

     Most young men are so unflappable and cool that they would never admit the influence of their friends over them. But no matter how hard they try to deny the facts, they just will not go away. Which means this for you: it is absolutely imperative that you surround yourself with those who will influence you toward godliness. If you let that thought get ahold of you, it could cause sweeping change in your life. If you really desire to please God with your life, and if you really want to make a spiritual impact on this world, then this change is crucial.

      This goes back to what I said in the first chapter. If you are surrounded by those who do not have much of a desire to please God, then this could very well mean that you will have very few friends. It could mean that your “friends” will leave you high-and-dry. You have to decide what is more important, being liked by friends who have no passion to please God, or being “liked” by the God who sees your every action, and trying to please Him.

      Allow me to let you in on a little secret. If you leave friends that are holding you back, and you stop hanging around those that can sway you in the wrong direction, they will probably make fun of your newfound “holier-than-thou” attitude. It will not be easy at first because you will make them look bad. But when they go home at night, and they are alone, they will respect you for your decision. They will probably never admit it to you, but they will wish they had the courage to do what you’ve done. And here’s a bonus secret, your example may even influence them to change their ways.

The Second Step

      Separating from worldly friends is the first step, but that is all it is. If you want to paint a masterpiece, you have to go out and buy the canvas and the paints, but a masterpiece will not just magically appear. You have to use the materials and start painting. God wants to paint a masterpiece with your life, not just after you become a man, but as you move into manhood. In other words, right now. But if you only take the first step, you will obviously not get very far in the right direction. If a baby is learning to walk on his own, he is eventually going to have to take more than one step. Yes, he will be wobbly at first, and you might be, too, but as he grows and practices, it becomes easier and easier until eventually every step is second nature. I guarantee that when you stand up you don’t think, “Okay, now how did I do that last time? Oh, that’s right, get my balance, and put one foot in front of the other.” No, you just jumped out of your chair, and, knowing young men, probably took off running. You don’t even think about it anymore because it is second nature.

       If the first step is to separate from the wrong influences, then the second step is to surround yourself with the right influences. With “practice” and dedication to God, a life of holiness and a walk with God becomes second nature. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

       It’s just like the crabs in the barrel at the fish market. If any one of those crabs really has a desire to get out of the barrel that ultimately leads to his being picked for the boiling pot, he has got to make a drastic change. If he doesn’t, he will be just like crabs before him who have tried to separate from all the others in danger of becoming food. No matter how bad he wants to get out, he will always be pulled back in. Of course, it would have been best if that crab would not have been hanging out with the ones who got caught in the first place, but that’s a different discussion.

     They say (I don’t know who “they” are – I suppose it’s the researchers, but I’ll give them the credit for this fact) that if you do something twenty-one times, it becomes a habit. You have walked well over twenty-one times. Maybe you have bitten your fingernails down to your knuckles well over twenty-one times. You may have brushed your teeth twenty-one times. Now I realize who I am talking to here so that may be a bit of a stretch, but we’ll just use our imaginations and act like that is a fact. Regardless, of what it is, you have many things in your life that are habits. Hanging out with the right friends and influences can become the same way. And the longer the habit goes, the harder it becomes to break.

      I read an article recently about some pelicans in Monterey, California. Now, I have never really been a huge fan of pelicans. I’ve never been out “pelican watching” or anything like that. I don’t stare at pictures of pelicans and think, “My, what a beautiful bird.” Because the fact is, pelicans are ugly. Their beaks are a whole lot bigger than their heads and they just don’t demand admiration like an eagle in flight or something like that. In fact, I’ve always wondered what the human equivalent of a pelican would look like. I don’t know if you ever sit and think about what animal you or your friends or family would be if there was a look-alike contest and you were changed into whatever you looked the most like, but I do. It’s a funny thought. Some people resemble monkeys or bloodhounds or beavers or whatever. Maybe I’m just weird. I don’t think I would want to be the one who was equated with the pelican, though, because they are just plain ugly.

      If pelicans do have anything going for them, though, it is that they are great at fishing. What happened in California is that a fleet of fishing boats would pull up in the harbor and begin to clean their catch right on the spot. They kept the good meat, but threw all of the leftovers overboard. The pelicans got smart and started hanging out near these boats. Every day around the same time, the fishing boats would come, and the pelicans would get fed.

       It all worked out great for the pelicans until the fishermen realized they could sell the waste and make a little money off of it. Unfortunately for the pelicans, this meant no more free meals. They sat there day after day getting thinner and thinner waiting for the food that never came. Wildlife officials came to investigate the problem, and concluded that the pelicans had forgotten how to fish. To take care of the problem they brought in pelicans from other areas to join the flock and teach these starving pelicans how to fish again.[ii]

      You may have started off as a child with a desire to do what is right and your parents may have instilled in you the need for godly living. But as you grew older, you began to hang out with the wrong friends, and spirituality took a back seat to the foolish things your friends helped influence you to do. After you have taken the first step away from the ungodly influence, you need to learn how to be godly again, and the way that is accomplished is by hanging out with those who are godly. Instead of resembling everything ugly about the world, learn to resemble the beauty of godliness.

      Maybe you didn’t grow up with godly influences in your life and this is all new to you. The way that you learn godliness is by hanging around those who are godly.

---

[i] Ben Carson, MD, Johns Hopkins University neurosurgeon

[ii] Bits and Pieces, June 23, 1994, p. 17

Chapter 1 - Edited from the Original

       I am going to tell you something that you have probably been wanting to hear for a long time now. In all likelihood, you have believed it longer than you really should have, but I suppose nobody can ever really know the answer to that. It is this: you are not a child anymore. Before you get a big head and stop obeying anyone in authority over you, I need to drop this little nugget your way: you are not a man yet either. You are stuck somewhere in between in that awkward stage they call teenager.

      I didn’t mean to fill your balloon with helium-enriched air only to pop it, but it is a cold, hard fact.  There comes a point in every guy’s life when he decides he doesn’t want to be treated like a little kid anymore.  We go through a mental switch that takes us from protected to protector; from comforted to comforter; from player to worker; from helpless to decision maker; and ultimately, from boyhood to manhood. But where does that switch take place exactly? Who is the one that can ultimately decide where boyhood stops and manhood starts? These are pretty much unanswerable questions. There is no formula to plug into that declares you a man after the “equals” sign. It is a process, and right now, you are in the middle of it.

      It’s gonna take everything you’ve got to make it through these years in your life. It is going to drain every ounce of your spiritual energy. It is going to sap a lot of physical strength sometimes (doesn’t Isaiah 40:30 say, “Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:”?). These years are going to try your patience, and they’re gonna put to test everything that you have been taught up until now. At times you’ll feel like you are on top of the world, and at other times you’ll wish the world would just go away and quit looking at your pimpled face like you’re the biggest nerd that ever walked on two legs – and that is exactly how you’ll feel about yourself. You will face a lot of hardships that, very likely, you will only face in this period of your life.

      You’ll probably go through a stage where you feel a strong attraction toward the “girl of your dreams.” You’ll realize she doesn’t like you and never will and you will feel heartbreak. You’ll probably find another “girl of your dreams” and feel heartbreak again. It is the emotional highs and lows of these high school years that make them what they are.

      You’ll probably be surprised by the changes in your body, too. No one will be able to rip from your memory the day that your principal comes to tell you that you need to start shaving every day because you’re looking scraggly, or the day you first noticed something more than peach fuzz on your legs or in your armpits. There is nothing that makes you feel more like you are becoming a man than that. And to top it all off, your voice will crack and squeak and go from sounding like someone is stepping on a soprano’s foot to the exaggerated bass tones you will force from your vocal cords.

      And you’ll have to endure it all.

      So I’m going to give you a proposal. Instead of just surviving this time in your life; instead of being “just another average teenager”; rather than wasting this time in your life with the hope of being useful as an adult, why don’t you make this time in your life a thriving success for God and holiness.

       It is an idea so contrary to our culture, even in Christian circles, that it may actually sound a bit crazy to you. You have so many other things that you would rather do than be holy, I know. You may be looked at as weird by your friends. You may not have as many friends. In fact, you may even find that you don’t have any friends at all if you will go “all out” for God. That is the risk you take when you embrace such a radical existence.

     But I ask you this: what friend, or what video game, or what popularity is more important than a true relationship with Jesus Christ? If you’re honest, you will have to agree that there is nothing more important. That being the case, then why are so few Christian young men truly “sold out” to God? Why are guys so wrapped up in sports or movies or girls to care about the bond that ties them to Jesus Christ? What keeps young men from adopting the standards and convictions of the Word of God? It is these questions that we will attempt to discuss in this book.

       A legend says that bald eagles will make the critical journey once in their lifetime.  They will fly as high as possible onto the rocky crags of a cliff and perform the deed. They will use their powerful beak that normally tears apart the flesh of their prey and pluck out every single one of their feathers. Then they will use that beak to yank out every last formidable talon that once captured and conquered its victims. When that task is finished that eagle will smash his beak against the rock until the last piece of that calcified power is broken from its face. Utterly exposed to the elements or whatever foe can find its way to where that eagle is lying helpless, the eagle waits for the rebuilding process to begin.

        Unreservedly bare before its Creator, that eagle will lie ugly and awkward in the sun for warmth, and depend upon a built-up store of fat for food. The process lasts for days, and many eagles never make it out the other side. But…but the ones that do emerge more beautiful than ever, with stronger talons and beaks far more superior to the ones it left behind.

     While this is only a legend and highly improbable as a fact (don’t let the facts get in the way of a good story, right), it provides a valuable lesson for your life. You will make the journey through nerdville once in your life. You will feel ugly and awkward and absolutely powerless to do anything about it. Don’t just give in to the peer pressure and the world and die spiritually like so many before you and around you have done and are doing. Determine that, with the Lord’s help, you will emerge on the other side of this time of testing in your life stronger for Him, and more ready to do something for Him than ever before.

     Have you ever thought about what it would be like if you would just let God really get ahold of your life? Have you thought about how remarkable it would be to see what God could do with a teenager who would really get on fire for God? The world has yet to see it. Why don’t you determine to be the one that knows what it feels like. There is no existence like an existence that is wrapped around a vibrant, passionate relationship with Jesus.

Be Right

       The problem with young men today is that they have learned how to put on an act that pleases their parents and teachers and youth pastors. I had the game figured out when I was in high school. I never got into a lot of trouble because I was afraid of the repercussions and I was worried about my reputation, but it was more of an act than a way of life. I had learned how to do right.

      But I wasn’t right, and I didn’t have the complete relationship with Jesus Christ that he wanted me to have. Sure, I read my Bible for the most part; I went on visitation; I was at every teen meeting; I did what was expected of me behaviorally; I did well in school, and I had everyone fooled into thinking I was a good Christian. Truth be told, my effectiveness for the cause of Jesus Christ was nowhere near where it should have or could have been if I had just stopped worrying about only doing right and become more concerned with being right.

      Just looking at it, it could seem like those are one and the same, yet they couldn’t be more different. Jesus was always onto the hypocrisies of the Pharisees for only acting right. In Matthew 23:27 He said, “Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness.” In the days of Christ, and even into the present, any person who touched a dead body was considered unclean. To keep someone from touching anything dead, tombs would be whitewashed at least once a year so the graves would be clearly marked, and thereby helping people to avoid them. Especially from a distance, these graves would appear very neat and uncontaminated, but of course, the inside was filled with rotting flesh and “uncleanness.”

        We are quick to condemn the Pharisees, but are we the same as they? You have everything in place on the outside. You will carry your Bible with you and say the right things around those in authority in your life, but the moment you slip out of their sight or out of earshot, the real you comes out. You act one way at church and around the pastor, and completely different when you are with your friends. Your life will never be useful for God as a teenager, and you will never develop into the man God wants you to become until you stop being so concerned with looking right to those around you and start being right with the God who sees to your very soul.

    

The End Goal

     The world has laid down its standards for what it thinks a guy should be. Much of what is put out there as masculine is in the form of the Hollywood “tough guys.” They have muscles coming out of their ear lobes, and they only wear shirts that show off the ripples on their stomachs and the hunks of meat on their arms, even if it happens to be -25 degrees Fahrenheit. And their chests are so big you could almost live inside of them. They only drive fancy cars. Their only job is to walk around drinking and looking cool, and no matter which babe they want, in the end, she always comes swooning into his arms. And they ride off sweetly into the sunset.

      But here’s the kicker for me. Did you ever notice that many of the same guys play in all of the different movies that Hollywood produces? I don’t watch their movies, but it’s hard not to notice with posters plastered in every corner of the globe and with the amount of emphasis put on those things by every faction of our society. Every time he is the hero, and at the end of every movie, it is always a different girl that he wins by his charming good looks and his unstoppable brawn. In other words, no matter how the movies are portrayed , there is one fact that cannot be ignored. It’s not real. I know that may have the equivalent shock factor as was there the first time you found out that Santa Clause was really your dad, and that he was the one eating those cookies and drinking the milk (sorry if that’s the first time you heard about the Santa bit). And I’m sorry to break it to you that way, but that is not the epitome of manhood, as they would have you believe.

     So now that you’ve been floored with a new grip on reality you might be asking me what is the epitome of manhood. If it’s not muscles and babes and fast cars, then what is it? That’s what I want to show you in the rest of this book. Manliness, as defined by the world is completely different than the manliness that God defines in His Word. And since when do we compare ourselves to anything other than the Bible anyway?

     Guys, here is what it comes down to. You do not know when it will be your turn to stand before God. You don’t know if God has only given you this time as a teenager to do something for Him before He takes you home. This may be your only chance to make your life count for Jesus. If you have spent all of your teenage and young adult years playing video games, watching movies, and drooling over girls that you think are hot, then what are you going to give as an answer if you had to stand before God and tell Him what you did for Him with your life? Imagine how ashamed you will be if irrelevant things of this world are all you have to show for your life. And here’s another reality for you: even if you live to be 150 years old, you are still going to have to answer to God for this time in your life, and what you did for Him.

       An ancient legend has been passed down through generations about three travelling nomads who, as they stopped to bed down for the evening were met by an angelic being. Excited at their fortune, they breathlessly awaited what they were sure was going to be a wonderful announcement. The angelic being gave them precise, but somewhat startling instructions. “Pick up as many pebbles as you can and load them into your saddlebags. Travel a day’s journey, and at this time tomorrow you will be both happy and sad.” Then he vanished.

     The nomads were bewildered and disappointed. Probably like expecting a car for your sixteenth birthday and getting a basketball. They were on the verge of greatness and all they got was insignificant advice. You could see their excited faces eyebrows drop past their chins. Each one reluctantly grabbed a small handful of pebbles, stuffed it into his saddlebag, and went on setting up camp as if nothing had happened.

     The next day, when they arrived at their destination, they began to unpack their bags, and, to their amazement, the pebbles had turned into diamonds. Immediately they were excited at their newfound wealth, but instantly disappointed when they realized that they could have had so much more.

     You may not understand the reasoning behind everything God is doing in your life, and you may think that the advice from your parents and the following chapters of this book is mere pebbles. And compared to the enticements of the world, the things of God may have all the glamour and allurement of a pile of pebbles. But one day when you stand before God, all those pebbles will be turned to diamonds. If you will trust God and realize that the things and the teaching He is placing in your life right now will someday turn into the diamonds that will mold you into spiritual manhood, you will gather as many as you can while you have the chance.

vvv

I want my life to count for Jesus,

All earthly joys will quickly fade.

No need to add to worldly riches,

I only seek eternal gain.

The Reason for Writing

   For some time now I have been leading a group of the high school guys, which we call the Timothy Club. After working with these guys, God has really given me a burden to see them grow, rather than just survive. I am convinced that God can do great things through young men that are totally given over to him. I have started writing a book toward that end, and this will more than likely be part of the first chapter.